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Wednesday, May 19, 2010I'm so distracted by the weather outside, that I don't know if I'll be able to write anything worth reading tonight, but I'll try. I found it odd yesterday that I wrote so much about friendships. because I was contacted by an old friend whom I haven't spoken to since all this started. I don't know how much of a comfort my response was, but I did my best to explain everything that has happened. I don't know where we'll go from here. I guess I will leave the ball in her court. Maybe she'll read this blog and realize she still likes me. Maybe she'll read it and decide it's best if we just stay separated.
I think that's the most frightening part of this journey. I've reached a point where I know exactly who I am and I love that person. And to feel that way about myself makes rejection so hard.
It reminds me of the day we were trying to rehome Lenny, a schnauzer we adopted but had to rehome because Mr. Romance's parents wouldn't let us keep him there. He was the best dog. My heart is still very broken over having to rehome him. The reasoning wasn't fair - but I guess that doesn't matter when it wasn't "our" house. Had I known we would be kicked out a month later, we would have kept him and made them deal with it till we moved. Ugh. My heart seriously hurts when I think about this. My point to bringing it up was that we knew he was the perfect dog. He was so sweet. He only barked when he was "talking" to us. He refused to ever pee or poop inside the house. At the shelter, they said he would actually hold it all weekend and he would have to be the first one they'd take out on Monday morning because he just refused to pee or poop where he lived. He had to go outside. We think he was actually part poodle because he didn't shed at all. He also knew how to sit, stay and a few other commands. Lenny also loved to cuddle and loved going on road trips. Perfect dog, right?
When it came time to rehome him, it was heartbreaking enough (H took it the worst and bawled for a good month and a half over it). Then when we met people who thought he wasn't going to be a good fit for them, I couldn't believe it. I mean, how could you not love our Lenny? The people who eventually took him had just lost their dog who they had for years. They were a little cautious that it wouldn't work out just because they were so used to their old dog. I'm assuming it worked out because we told them to contact us if it wasn't working out and we'd take him back, but we haven't heard from them. Deep down, I knew it would work out for them. The way they described their love for their dog who passed away was so much like the love I had for Lenny. There was nothing to not like about him.
I guess in some ways, I feel that way about myself. I like myself. So when someone tells me they don't like me, it's hard to swallow.
"If you want, you can get to know me well."
Matchbox 20
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