mama believer

I love being a stay at home mother. While I have nothing against working mothers at all, being a stay at home mom is super important to me. My parents were working parents. Thankfully my grandparents were able to raise me instead of going to daycare for most of my life. I did the daycare thing too, but I didn't enjoy it as much as being with my grandparents. In fact, I was probably the only older elementary student at the daycare. And when I was a teenager, I had no parents to come home to at the end of the day. It was just my brother and I. I ended up getting into trouble a lot after school because there wasn't anyone there to care what I did or where I went.

My children have full time working grandparents. I was never comfortable leaving them in the care of someone who wasn't family. Having our girls raised by family is important to both Mr. Romance and I. So that's why I stay home with them.

Growing up without my parents around most of the time, I found our relationship was always strained. I was never "close" to them. We never talked about really important stuff. I never went to them when I really needed to talk about something. As a result, they never really understood me. Now, I'm not saying all kids without a stay at home parent will turn out like I did. But I needed that. I needed family. There are some things I just won't take a chance on when it comes to raising my children. One of those things is being there for them when they need me.

I will never regret the decision to stay at home with my children. Thankfully, Mr. Romance understands this need completely and we do whatever it takes for me to be able to stay home.

But doing whatever it takes isn't always easy. In fact, it would often be easier to go to work and have that second income than to stay at home with my girls. But that's the choice we've made.

Right now, we're in the middle of one of those tough situations no one seems to understand. Mr. Romance used to have a well-paid heroic career that supported all of us, but we were still living paycheck to paycheck. A year and a half ago, we made an important decision to better our life in the future. We knew this would mean struggling harder than we already were - but only temporarily. Someday, we know we won't have to struggle anymore, and will even be able to help those who have helped us get to that point.

Mr. Romance left his job, we moved in with my parents and he's going to school full time while we're trying to live off of what little income we get from his GI Bill (which could or could not come on time every month - very unpredictable). I still stay at home with my girls. I do some work from home that is usually just enough to pay one bill - but at least it's something. We don't have extra money for eating out. We don't have extra money for shopping sprees. We don't have extra money for concert tickets. We don't have extra money at all - for anything. In fact, if we do, it usually comes from someone else who feels sorry for us.

I'm usually okay with not having money. I see the goal and I know this situation is temporary - very temporary. We often struggle the most between semesters because it can take the VA over a month to process enrollment in a new semester. So sometimes there are months we have no income at all. That puts a strain on all of us - even my parents because they're trying to cover for us. Regardless of us understanding this situation, I know our kids don't understand.

Every semester break, while we're waiting on our checks to start rolling in again, I start feeling really bad for my kids. Because we put a strain on my parents too at this time, our food money has to be stretched as far as it possibly can be. That means having PB&J a lot. I feel bad about that though. I want so much more for my children. I start having that stay at home mom guilt.

But then I look at their faces and how they don't complain about the PB&J. In fact, they don't complain about much at all. While we took a step back from where we were and moved in with my parents and have a minimal income (sometimes not even enough to survive for a month), they don't mind this. They love being around my parents and creating that bond they wouldn't otherwise have had. I love having that relationship with my parents now. Despite what the past looked like, we are super thankful to them for helping us out and that they are there for me right now. Some days are hard - very hard. But we're going to be okay here. It's temporary.