mama believer

There's nothing quite like the moment you realize you're overweight. Thankfully by Wii standards, I'm not "obese" but I am overweight. I didn't need the Wii to tell me that though. I always knew I was bigger than I wanted to be. The scales have told me that for the past couple of years. For the past year I've been heavier than when I was full term pregnant with C (who is now 2). But when it really sank in just how bad it was and that I needed to do something about it happened this weekend when everyone would show me the pictures they were taking of me at the reunion. I wanted to grab every camera and go through and delete every single picture of me.

I was no longer the girl from last year with the pudgy little tummy, but still bigger in the boobs than anywhere else. I still have those big boobs, but everything else seems to have caught up with it. Cute clothes just aren't so cute on me anymore. After viewing the first few pictures, I found myself self-conscious about how I'd hold my head up so my neck wouldn't look so fat. When I would sit, I would mostly try to sit leaning back so that my fat tummy wouldn't pudge out so much and I'd hang my arms over my mid-section. I'm a pretty short person as it is, and when I sit down, I tend to look a lot bigger than I am when I'm standing up and all my fat is evenly distributed. It's exhausting to constantly think about that though. I can't constantly twist and turn my body in fear of someone taking a picture of me. Even if someone takes a good picture of me, I know that's not the real me.

The fat is all over me now - not just those "trouble spots." Everywhere is a trouble spot now. I can't even get the courage to post any pictures from the trip that have me in them despite my haircut being pretty cute.

I look over the rest of these pictures of my family and I can't help but notice that almost everyone in my family is overweight. I only wish I were guilty by association. I take full responsibility for this. I know I can only change me despite how much I want to change them too. And maybe that's why I am so determined to lose weight now. Almost everyone I know who is overweight has health problems. You don't see anyone overweight living to be 100 years old. And I want that long life. More than the long life, I want a healthy life so that I can always be there for my girls.

Thanks to Mr. Romance who got on the weight loss bandwagon a few days before the weekend, I was consciously trying to make good choices when it came to eating. Instead of taking naps after every meal, I tried to take a walk instead. And I'm proud to say that after making some good choices on food this weekend combined with lots of walking around, I still lost a pound. While a pound doesn't sound like a whole lot, I am totally happy that I had no weight gain (especially water weight from all the water I drank and all the unhealthy food that was served).

One pound lost or not, I know I really need to lose some more weight. I hate not being comfortable in my own skin. I hate seeing how much larger I could be if I don't do something about this right now. I know I am the only person who can help me. I need to help me.